"Whisky Dick"

"Whisky Dick"

The Definition of Whisky Dick: A man's inability to get a boner, due to too much booze in his system.

The Party

It was my brother Adams 21st birthday. My parents decided that they'd throw him a party at our house. Of course since he's turning 21 there would be a bar and not just any bar. The best kind of bars. An open bar. Usually the sequence with open bars goes like this

Free drinks = more free drink = vomit = drink = sex with hot girl, or at least seemed hot at the time = vomit = drink = passed out.

That's the guy's scenario. The girls are completely different for some reason. Thiers is more like,

1 free drink = being a slut = being rejected = crying = crying = vomit = crying + vomit = being knocked out by Nick for vomiting on his bed.

So I couldn't wait to get there.Now I don't know who's going to be there since my brother was inviting all his own friends. So I'm not expecting much on the hot girl scene. My new Mission, Get so fucked up I see Jesus wrestling Elmer Fudge.
I show up at the party around 7. I walk in and see about 60 people toasted off there asses already. Immediately I got five people shoving drinks in my face, I guzzle 'em down with grace and perfection.The no hot girl scene can go right out the fucking window because there was this gorgeous blonde staring at me. Here's how the scene went with her

1. She starts giving me the googley eye
2. I walk over and start talking to her
3. We go over to the side of the house were nobody else is so we can get more friendly
4. She throws up right in front of me
5. I walk away
6. She starts crying

The Challenge

After I ditch Blondie I see my brother Adam and his buddy. I walk over to them. He tells me his buddy has this drink that I wouldn't even dream to take. Adam just challenged my man hood, and Nick doesn't back down from any challenge. Now this drink that he's referring to is called a triple shot. It's been band in five countries and once killed a man. Its pure vodka mixed with gin and whiskey or something like that. Now let's get one thing clear he told me it was a shot, like out of a shot glass. BULLSHIT. It turns out that this drink practically fills one of those plastic red cups. Again, Nick doesn't back down from any challenge. There's only one thing going on in my Mind at this moment, I'am I going to die at a young age. Adam challenge my manhood, so I challenge his pussyhood. I tell his buddy to make Adam a triple shot.

If i'm dieing tonight i'm not going alone.

We both have our death drinks in hand. We look at each other. Say our good byes and chug it. I can almost feel my heart stop as the drinks going down my throat.

This is the beginning of the end for my penis.

It turns out the triple shot has a delayed affect. It takes about 20 minutes till you start to feel the full dose. I was already pretty much shit faced before I took the shot so I figure I got about 10 minutes to live. Most men here would start to tell there loved ones they'll see them in the next life. Not Nick Holmes. I try to find the hottest girl I can before I die but it turns out my penis forgot to share this information with my stomach. I start puking for a good 10 minutes and everyone is cheering me on to see more of the vomit show.

My life is now over. These are the only things I remember for the next several hours to come.

1. I talk to my sister's best friend. She has a pretty nice body, but looks like she got smacked in the face with a frying pan one too many times, Will call her "Pan Face".
2. I make out with Pan Face.
3. I throw up multiple times
4. I make out with Pan Face again.

That's when I completely passed out. I wake up in a chair around our fire pit. Pan Face is on my lap passed out. Adams in the chair next to mine puking up what looked like was his kidneys. Everybody's gone except a couple guys I see passed out on the dirt. The party's over. Or at least I thought it was.

Whisky Dick

I'm still shit faced when I wake up.

That triple shot has to be made out of Lucifer's piss or something.

I start to move around and end up waking up Pan Face who's on top of me. She decides we should go to bed. .

Fuck it i'm drunk.

We go inside the house and into my room. We get into my bed and start making out. Now things start getting really good. Clothes are flying off and everything's going great. There's just one problem. I can't get a boner.I take that back, the triple shot is the hell spawn himself. I always feel obligated to make the girl i'm sleeping with orgasm at least once if not multiple times for some reason, I'm sure ill get over that soon. So my Penis has been shot, gone, left, died whatever it did it was not going to be heading north. Trust me we tried everything to get it up. I got and excellent blowjob for like 10mins, Looks like Pan Face knows how to suck dick, But my penis didn't even twitch. At this point I'm getting frustrated and want to go to bed. Thank god my skills aren't just in my penis. I accomplish my goal and pass out.The next morning I wake up. Pan Face is gone. I go outside and everybody seems to know me and Pan Face Hooked up. I ask myself how. It turns out I have the biggest hickeys all over my neck. No joke these things were fucking huge. It made me look liked I slept with count Dracula or something. Those death bites eventually came off, a fucking MONTH later. Recap-Ok so it turns out that I didn't exactly accomplish my goal for the night. I threw up multiple times. Tried to have sex and failed. And I being an idiot told my family I didn't have sex with Pan Face because I had Whiskey Dick. My new nick name in my family is now WD. Thank you alcohol gods