Super Flaming Shit Story

"Super Flaming Fart Shit Story"

Flaming Fart

The flaming Fart is one of America's most treasured inventions. Now let's make this clear, it's not just your everyday breaking of the wind. Were talking about pants down, some type of fire devise by your asshole, then a full blown inferno. A male cannot fully call himself a man until he has journeyed to the land of farts and set them ablaze. Flaming farts is not only funny but is a great way to claim your territory. If some chump is checking on your women, you best bust a huge flaming fart right in your girls face. The predator will back off knowing he can not compare to your righteous gas. Plus your women will become more attractive to you knowing she has just had heaven blown right up her nostrils. Many people would presume you could never get enough of a flaming fart. So tell me, when is a flaming fart too flaming? I'll tell you when.
When it's a flaming shit.

The Juice

My brother "Stu" was taking this weight lifting supplement at the time. He goes on to tell me how great it was working for him, but had one deadly side affect. The pills he was taking were making it hard for him to control his assholeanary functions. He told me stories were he and his buddy were out jogging, and then BAM, out of no were he drops a huge load. He didn't even feel it come out. He just looked down and realized there's a huge pile of shit running down his leg. Other than the minor shitting in your pants, the pill gets you big and strong, so it's worth it. You get all yoked out so you can finally go and pick up the ladies, but then the pill decides it's going to royally bitch slap you in the face for only charging you $19.95 to become Arnold, and make you shit your pants. So now that you look like the hulk and have more confidence then Richard Simons at a gay convention you can talk to girls now. Here's how a conversation would go with a hot girl if you were on these's pills

You: Hi there you're really hot and I'm really buff. Want to hook up?
Hot Girl: Wow you really are buff. That can't be natural.
You: O it is. Trust me baby. So you want go back to my place?
Hot Girl: Yea sure…… Wait, what's that smell? O my god that smells disgusting. I can't believe this, my nose is actually bleeding. It smells like Rosie O' Donald's Vagina. Do you smell that too? Hold on what's all that brown liquidly stuff dripping down from your pants? Holy shit did you just shit your pants.
You: …………………
Hot Girl: That is fucking gross you sick pervert. You need to see a doctor. Shit is not supposed to smell like that. Shit is supposed to smell like shit and that shit does not smell like shit.
You: O yea well…. Your shit smells like shit.

As you can see these pills get you the ladies for sure, but that's a different story. So my bro comes over that weekend and has major gas. What do we decide to do? The only thing god intends all the true men of earth to do when they have a spree of anal juice. Set his farts on fire.

Super Flaming Shit

It was around two in the morning. Me, my brother Stu, and my brother "Adam" are in the living room. The room smells like manatee shit from Stu laying gas all night. I see Stu playing with his lighter in his hand and I think to myself, do I want to become a man tonight?
Yes, yes I do.
I tell my brother the idea and he immediately agrees. We are going to set his farts on fire. We both thought it was the best plan in the world. It started off as the funniest thing I've ever seen. Every time he had to fart he'd bend over, light the lighter, point, and fire. The funny thing was it actually worked. It was hilarious. But then things got more serious. We wanted to see how big we could get the flame. So he took off his pants. I would later find out this was an extremely bad idea.
It turned into a bloody shit massacre.
I was sitting on the couch when he yells for me to come into the room. I run in and see him bent over, pants down telling me he has a huge gas ball in his ass right now. I grab the lighter, position it by his asshole, and wait.
I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
If you told me before this day it was possible for the human body's hand to move at 100mph I wouldn't have believed you. Those few seconds change everything for me. Here's a play by play on what occurs in the next minute to come.

1-15 Seconds: Stu tells me he's ready
15-30 Seconds: I light the lighter, ready to laugh my ass off
30-45 Seconds: Stu is making a bunch of noises trying to force his fart out.
45-59 Seconds: Still more noises, and then out of nowhere, a huge shit missile fires at me at the speed of light. It literately shot at me. It didnt just flop out. It full blown launched it self out of my brother's ass.
59-60 Seconds: I drop the lighter, move my hand faster than Jenna Jameson, and run out of the room traumatized by having a foot long turd appear magically in front of me as if Merlin was casting a shit spell on me.

I'm out of the room laughing so hard I'm practically yelling. I Try and tell Adam what happen but can't stop laughing. He goes in to see what happened. He observes:

a. Stu on the floor with his pants off laughing.
b. The Smell of shit
c. His sock on the floor
d. A foot long piece of shit on his sock

He then comes out of the room laughing.
People ask me if I regret trying to set a world record flaming fart. ABSOLUTELY NOT. How many people can say they've had a piece of shit launched at them out of someone's ass?

.......That's what I thought.